LANGUAGE
Molvanian is a difficult language to speak, let alone master. There are four genders: male, female, neutral, and the collective noun for cheeses, which occupies a nominative sub-section of its very own. The language also contains numerous irregular verbs, archaic phrases, words of multiple meaning and several phonetic sounds linguists suspect could represent either a rare dialect or merely peasants clearing their throat. This, coupled with a record number of silent letters, makes fluency a major challenge. You can, as some visitors have experimented with, simply try adding the letter ‘j’ or ‘z’ randomly to any word – but this will only get you so far.
Perhaps a better option is to memorise a few of our ‘Useful Phrases’ contained opposite. Remember, too, that the syntactical structure of written Molvanian can be rather complex, with writers routinely using the triple negative. Hence,

'Can I drink the water? '

becomes 'Erkjo ne szlepp statsik ne var ne vladrobzko ne '
(literally, ‘is it not that the water is not not undrinkable?’)
Fortunately, conversational Molvanian for the native speaker is a little less formal, and a native speaker wanting to know

'Can I drink the water? '

would only have to say ‘Virkum stas?’
(while clutching their stomach in a gesture of gastric distress.)
The Lutenblag Private Language Academy (the Linguistikprivatakademikalutnblaag)
 

COMMON EXPRESSIONS
Zlkavszka
Grovzsgo
Vrizsi
Brobra
Wakuz Dro Brugka Spazibo

Sprufki Doh Craszko?
Dyuszkiya trappokski drovko?
Kyunkasko sbazko byusba?
Togurfga trakij sdonchskia?

 
Hello
Goodbye
Please
Thank you
Good luck (literally ‘May God send youa sturdy donkey’)
What is that smell?
Does it always rain this much?
Where is the toilet paper?
What happened to your teeth?
 
 LESS COMMON EXPRESSIONS
Frijyhadsgo drof, huftrawxzkio
Ok hyrafrpiki kidriki 		 
More food, inn-keeper.
What beautiful children!		 
 VERY RARE EXPRESSIONS
Krokystrokiskiaskya 		 
See you again soon.		 
This extract taken from MOLVANIA – a land untouched by modern dentistry